Between a Rock and an Iron Lady

So the probability of me finding someone in our library bathrooms either: with a cigarette, a beer or anything alcoholic actually, or sleeping is highly likely (Not an actual picture I've taken but see above). Yes, these things have all been seen or have happened during my time at the library. I'm actually surprised I haven't seen anything worse, to be honest. I guess it's my suburbia and Catholicism school background that has clouded my vision, but I can't believe the amount of drug use that is at the "Slumming It" branch. I mean, I knew that a lot of people did drugs, but I guess I didn't know the extent of the drug use until I started working at my current job.

In my term at the "Slumming It" branch, I have witnessed or have been working when:

1) A man threw a rock at one of the windows in the library.

2) Numerous drunks being kicked out.

3) An officer saying, "This ain't no Jerry Springer!"

4) A woman has been kicked out for child perversion charges (She also carries around a stuffed pet turtle which she likes to "molest").

5) A woman not only made fun of my haircut, but said she was haunted by Chef Boyardee

5B) Someone has also called me orphan Annie because of my red curly hair. I promise I do not own a dog named Sandy, my dad is my biological dad-his name is not Daddy Warbucks, and most importantly I don't have a ginger fro. My hair is just curly people, and not wildly curly, just the regular wavy kind.

6) A man was kicked out for trying to prostitute a 17 year old girl for a "kiss".

Mind you, since we are government funded, we have people who are either for us, or entirely against us. You don't usually find people who are against us, but they bubble up to the surface every once in awhile. There are a lot of political wahoos (It's the nicest term I can think to use) that come into the library. As long as they don't ask me to partake on the hate bashing/rant, then I don't care what they say. That leads me to my next tale...

Between a Rock and an Iron Lady Tale

Iron

I was having a rather normal day when a woman in line placed her items on the counter. She seemed normal. Well, as normal as it gets at my library. Anyways, the woman looked to be in her late 50s or early 60s. She was wearing a large brimmed hat, and was checking out romance novels. Again, it was another seemingly normal checkout.... until:

Iron Lady: You know that Obama is an idiot, right?

Me: Um... (I try to pretend that I'm neutral in these kind of situations. Sometimes it's just easier to pretend and be non-committal. Affirming that you have any kind of real opinion means an angst ridden conversation with someone you don't want to talk to in the first place)

Iron Lady: He's a dumbass. He doesn't treat libraries like he should. That's why I'm running in the next election.

Me: Oh? (I tried to feign interest as I attempted to scan her items as quickly as possible)

Iron Lady: Yes I'm running. I'm going to be a benevolent dictator. Except to the library of course!

Me: O-k (I enunciated each syllable).

Iron Lady: Vote for the Iron Lady!

Then she walked out. Needless to stay I was baffled a bit.

Rock

 

What I think Rock* looks like. I know it's the woman from The Goonies but not else really seemed to fit.

I call this patron Rock because she is one. She seems to have no real emotional sensitivity or has any morals. Catholic schools and 7th Heaven taught me to look for "rebels" who have piercings, tattoos, and are pro-choice. However, I know better now. Unpleasant people can take any shape. In this instance, she's a 60-year-old woman. I'm calling her Rock because I feel like a name doesn't give semblance to the situation, and name calling is plain immature. I'm not saying I'm completely mature, but I'm trying to be polite(ish).

When you first meet/talk to Rock you would think that she's the nicest lady, and means well. Then all of your preconceived notions are thrown out the window. Rock claims to be a very Christian woman, who only wants a book. Us "library people", only get in her way. The real story behind Rock is that she uses her dead daughter (Who died over five years ago), as an excuse of why we should waive her fines and renew her books.

I entirely understand that a death of a family member is a devastating thing. Using them as an excuse years later however, is disgusting in my eyes. Rock uses these kind of excuses repeatedly. She sucks you in and makes everyone feel bad for not "helping her out". Rock actually starts fake crying (I will explain how I know this in a little bit) in order to get her way. She will pull this on anyone and now her dirty little secret has been blown. Nobody believes her b.s. anymore. I say this as a precursor because the story I wrote makes me look heartless. If you heard Rock's sob story a million times over however, you would probably take the same action as me.

Rock: My granddaughter just tried to commit suicide in the garage a few minutes ago. She has a rope and everything... can't you renew my books?

*Why would you be calling the library if your granddaughter tried to commit suicide!?!?!?

Me: (Being a bitch because I know she lies) Well I can't renew your books they're on hold unfortunately.

Marie: Why not?

Me: I can't. Sorry...

Marie: I have all this stuff going on I have to cut my grass (My friend Rebecca* has told me before she also uses this as an excuse, she has a neighbor that cuts it for her for free. Rock complains about the bad job they do too) *Ramble ramble, lies lies lies*

Me: Yep, sorry but they're not due till Wednesday.

Marie: (Who was fake crying) Well you people are so ungrateful!

All of a sudden she isn't crying! Shooocckkkkerrr!

Another on the Rocks Tale

My friend Lindsay* was working at the reference desk when Rock comes up. I think everyone has the same initial reaction when they see her name on the screen or see her in person:  NOOOOOO!!!!!! Lindsay has dealt with her (As has many reference and circulation desk employees) many times and was probably clenching her teeth in order not to scream for help.

Rock: I need to find this book.

Rock slides a piece of paper to Lindsay.

Lindsay: Well.... (Lindsay is an adorable woman, who is so sweet. She's like a Ms. Honey of libraries.... until you act like Rock)

Rock: You might as well not be talking at all. I can't even hear you.

Lindsay: Ok.

Complete silence for 20 seconds.

Rock: Well... I meant.... buh

Lindsay: You told me it was useless to talk.

I always giggle over that one. Rock has also blown a raspberry at one of our officers before because he told Rock that she wasn't acting very "Christian Like" to our reference staff. He laughed and told her that that was very mature of her.

So what's the lesson today boys and girls? Well, I guess there's no real lesson. Unless you're like Rock. If you are, I do not want to meet you or get a call about library items from you. Sorry for the lack of posts. I promise to keep a better track of any chaos that ensues from here on out.

Sincerely,

Your Non-Stereotypical Librarian