This goes out to all the library creepers part 2: Extra pervy edition

It's a known fact that if you work at a library, or any real public place, the perverts will flock to you. Hide your kids, hide your wives, Hell hide your husbands because they're word violating everyone up in here. I briefly touched on the perverseness of library patrons in previous posts, but I didn't really delve into the depths of pervdom... The People Who Obviously Have Significant Others but Hit on Librarians Tale   It seems like when I do get hit on, it's not by a guy that I want to hit on me. I'm not trying to sound stuck up, I'm really not, but I feel like that's the case for everybody. It's like going to a bar (Yeah I know comparing a library to a bar, I'm a weirdo), the only people that seem to hit on you are the ones you try to stay away from. It doesn't mean that the people are necessarily bad looking or are feeding you constant cheesy pick up lines (However, this is often the case), but sometimes the people are just downright inappropriate. Today for example, I was checking out video games to this guy. He happened to have a fine that he wanted to pay. I went through the necessary steps but I messed up something in the cash register. Unfortunately, I do not have the best math skills, and our cash register is particularly confusing when it comes to voids. I apologized to the man because I was taking for what seemed like forever to fix everything. He said, "Ah with that professional sweet voice of yours, your beautiful eyes and face-everything is just fine." I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not making this stuff up. I knew this guy had kids based on the books and video games he checked out, I knew this guy had or has a wife because he had a wedding ring on, and I knew that he was at least a good 15 years older than me. It's one thing to say someone has pretty eyes, or a nice smile. I still think it's weird to hit on someone that's considerably younger than oneself. Also, I do have a baby face. Hardly anyone can guess how old I really am, so this makes this encounter even creepier. If I hit on someone 15 years younger than I I'd be hitting on 8 year-olds. That would also make me a pedophile.  Once, a guy we'll call Ned*, was checking out this woman who had a small fine. The woman was obviously crushing on Ned. Ned often got this reaction. He's usually ogled by female teenagers who only stare adoringly and wouldn't dare have the nerve to talk to him. The woman was shamelessly trying to flirt with Ned, however Ned still didn't understand or feel comfortable being hit on without any subtlety. She said, "I'll pay you back somehow." It sounds harmless when you see it on the computer screen but the way she said it was so much more heinous and suggestive. I can only describe it as an ongoing batting of lashes, winks, and arm patting (Her petting Ned's arm not vice versa). Ned was sort of well... horrified. He knew she was joking, but that didn't make the awkwardnesss go away. I won't go into stalkers with this story... that's possibly another entry for another day. I do have one mini story left however. I won't disclose my name, but just to preface this story, my name is not Nicole. When this guy came up to the checkout counter I didn't think anything of it. I didn't suspect he'd use a crappy pick up line, or make me feel the least bit uncomfortable... but he did. "Hey, Nicole." I began to utter, "My name is not Nic.." Before I could finish talking he said, "Nicole Kidman!" I'm amazed when everybody thinks I look like a celebrity just because I'm pale and have red hair... That's all me and Nicole Kidman have in common. Well me, and the "Moulin Rouge" version of Nicole Kidman. I think it makes people uncomfortable to be hit on by a total stranger. It might be because you're not attracted to the individual, or it might be because it doesn't seem genuine, and/or it feels fake or forced. *Another bar reference* A guy hit on me at a bar last weekend, he seemed harmless enough, but I felt put on the spot. It might be due to a somewhat recent breakup of mine, or I might be old fashioned in my way of thinking, but I want to know the person somewhat first before they call me beautiful. I almost feel victimized even if a woman I don't know says I'm pretty. It might be a lack of self confidence, or perhaps I can't take a compliment. I'm not sure. I'm not trying to lecture anybody, but  if you're a person who hits on people without a trace of subtlety, you might want to think twice about whom you're cornering. I swear I sound like the most conservative 23 year old in the world sometimes.... sigh. Sincerely, Your Non-Stereotypical Librarian

The Attack of the Stan(s)

The Lonely but Annoying Patron Tale

Stan* isn't really his name, but we'll pretend that it is. Stan is a very lonely, but annoying man that calls the library at least once or twice a day.  The staff thinks he might be agoraphobic or unable to leave his house since he has never visited our library (To our knowledge). As a circulation employee I never had the displeasure of talking to Stan before because he only calls the reference desk. During the past few months however, I've taken extra shifts at the reference desk so I won't be as poor as usual. When I took my first call from Stan I was unprepared for who was on the other line.

Stan is not a very polite man. He often cuts you off when you're simply trying to help him out. Also, Stan likes to test you on your research skills. Since I work at circ I don't get to hone in on my research skills all that much anymore, so I was a bit rusty when he called.

His first question, "Who are the Goths? I want to know more about them". (I was tempted to ask him if he meant the culture not the tribe, but I held my tongue) I stupidly used my old faithful site, Wikipedia. As I was spilling out facts, I was interrupted by Stan. "I don't agree with that, I don't agree with that at all". I was a bit taken aback, and I'm not often surprised by patrons anymore. Before I could open another browser to search a different site I was interrupted again, "You're on Wikipedia aren't you?" He told me that he was looking at Wikipedia too! I was baffled to why he was on the same website as me. Why did he need me to research for him then? I was embarrassed that I used Wikipedia, but I was rusty, I wasn't sure how to research quickly anymore. I have written many research papers in my day, but that was when I had access to college databases.

Stan followed up asking about what the price of gold was per ounce, and if I could find where the Pillar Stone was located. After 15 minutes of me trying to navigate more "knowledgeable" sites, he grew bored of me and hung up.  I had no idea that my conversation with Stan was an easy one compared to others who have dealt with Stan.

 

When I even casually mention Stan to  my co-workers, they automatically ask if I had to create a fake movie review for him. Apparently, Stan doesn't trust the critics, but does happen to trust the library staff in this case. Apparently he's really into movies from the 90's. I wonder if he's more of a Titanic or Matrix man?

Stan is out done by Phil*, a patron, who asks for every movie ever made, every actor/actress that has ever lived, and so on and so forth. Not only are those kind of lists unavailable, but any lists found are typically considered for the most part, unreliable as well.

My friend Rebecca* works at the reference desk, she has a few tales of her own about Stan, but my favorite tale is when she had to read the Scottish Deceleration of Independence aloud to Stan. Can you imagine reading the entire deceleration out loud when there are patrons milling about probably wondering what she was doing? The things I love about Rebecca is that she's sweet and has so much patience. The staff agrees that while Stan can be annoying, they think he's just lonely and needs someone to talk to. It's kind of sad once you think about it, I try to remember that when he gets on my nerves.Working at the reference desk made me realize that I need to work on having more patience with insistent patrons.

My beef here isn't with Stan exactly. It's with these kind of patrons in general. I'm fine with patrons asking questions, but when they aren't even in need of a real answer or can only disagree with you-what's the point? I wish that most of the questions directed towards us were more library related, but that's not a reasonable request anymore if your library is popular. I get it, librarians are the researchers, we're supposed to know everything. Although, I find it trivial to look up every restaurant that serves buffalo wings in the tri-state era (True story that I may tell another time). I'd much rather than look up a recipe book for buffalo wild wings.

I imagine everybody has these kind of stories, but since I've only ever worked at a library (besides my disastrous attempt to work at an ice cream shop-which lasted a whopping two days) I might be a bit biased.

^ Not really Stan... but he might look like this. We've never seen him in person.

Sincerely,

Your Non-Stereotypical Librarian